Graduation. So much like Christmas. It is highly anticipated, seems like it will never arrive, and when it does, it’s over in the blink of an eye leaving gifts strewn about the house and thank you notes needing to be written. The caps and gowns hang in the closet never to be worn again. They are the bridesmaids’ dresses of the education world. After all, they really don’t match anything and make driving impossible. They don’t even make for good sleepwear. The only reminder of this festive garb is the tassel that hangs from your rearview mirror.
The commencement speeches, well intended and passionate, are likely forgotten as well, at least by the graduates. Some parents may remember a few nuggets. Too bad those nuggets are usually meant for those wearing the square-topped hats with the tassels. Occasionally, the speaker will offer a word or two for the parents, but usually that’s all. I think that is a shame.
There should be a special gathering just for the parents. It could be held sometime after graduation. Their offspring may have been the ones who went to class but the folks at mission control deserve a little recognition and encouragement, too.
Previously, I’ve stated that when it comes to a commencement, I am the last person you would ever want to have on the podium. But, I’ve never let a little thing like lack of ability to stop me. Look at my bathroom remodel project. Sure, it took nine months, but I got only three stitches when I rammed that box knife into my leg while installing the flooring. So, here goes and just remember, when it comes to free advice, you are free to take and free to ignore it. That’s up to you.
Congratulations, parents. You survived PTA meetings that seemed to last longer than the school year. You didn’t blow up the school when your child wanted to do a volcano with real lava for the Science Fair. You were sure it would score an “A” and it might have had you not burned a hole through the table during judging and filled the room with the pungent odor of melting floor tile during judging. One eruption led to another and the next thing you know they’re evacuating the school. But, that’s all behind you now and you are once again on speaking terms with the Fire Marshall.
Now what?
No doubt you are excited and a bit anxious as you send your offspring to parts known and unknown. Soon enough, you’ll notice things are quieter. You’ll discover you have more control over you time and the amount of laundry piling up. Suddenly, you are back to the way things were before the children came along. Well almost. You are older and have spent much of your youthful energy raising more youths. Some may see this new found time as a void. Better to think of it as an opportunity.
First and foremost, married folks, work on your relationship. Much of your focus has been on your children. Now that it’s back to just the two of you, rediscover some of those crazy dreams you had when you first wed. The ones that started with “one day we’ll…” Look out. That “one day” is here. Seize it before you seize up. (Old age can do that to you.)
Single parents, if dating isn’t on your agenda, take time to reconnect with old friends that the responsibilities of single parenthood may have pushed to the edge of your life. Resist the urge to fill up the extra moments by collecting cats or Chia pets.
As to the extra space in the house, there are plenty of DIY shows and Pinterest posts to inspire you. But, be careful what you do. Sure a home gym sounds like a great idea, but do you really need a treadmill and Bowflex to hang your laundry on? A new pack of hangers is cheaper. Of course, you could convert it to a studio for you and your spouse to do Bob Rossi paintings. Happy trees make for a happy life…or so I’m told.
What of Joe Cool off at school? Take the advice of .38 Special and “hold on loosely but don’t let go”. Don’t stalk them on Social Media. This is one of those times when ignorance is bliss. Be blissful no matter what ignorance they may exhibit online. Give them room to grow into the adult you groomed them to be. Without freedom to fail there is no room to succeed.
So often I hear of parents taking credit for their child’s accomplishments. Sure you gave them a base but they’re the ones who turned it into something worthy of your praise not worthy of you taking credit. But if you insist on taking credit for their successes, then be ready to own their mistakes. Hey, aren’t you the one that “taught them everything they know”? It’s a two-way street. Careful you don’t get run down by hypocrisy.
It’s also good to remember that every call home isn’t a call for help. Sometimes they just want to talk. I’ve found it is best not to try to solve every problem. They’ve got to figure it out for themselves. You won’t be around forever. It’s the best way for them to gain independence. Offering advice is okay, but it is best received when it is requested.
So, be careful how you answer the phone. I learned this when my daughter called home one New Year’s Day. She was attending college in another town and had been on her own for just over a year. Caller ID alerted me to the fact she was the one calling. In my wonderful witty way, I answered “what’s the problem.” She didn’t think it was funny and rightfully so since she had called to pay her parents a compliment.
She wanted to thank Kate and me for making sure we ate as a family nearly every night. I never realized the lasting impact this would have. It’s just the way I was brought up and it seemed like a great way to cap the day. Apparently she did, too. Or, at least she does now. I’m not so sure she always felt that way back then.
At the time she was working as a nanny to two young boys with very successful (read “busy”) parents. The money was good and she got along well with the boys. In her call she lamented that the boys never ate dinner with their parents, who rarely got home before the boys were tucked in for the night. She was the one who helped with homework, put supper on the table, and read a bed time story…not their parents. It struck her how important that bonding of family is and how much it meant to her.
So, don’t worry…be concerned…but don’t worry. You can only plant the seeds. They are the ones that have to do the growing. But, if you’ve watered well and nurtured along the way, you just might be rewarded with a call completely out of the blue telling you that you’re a pretty good gardener.
