I was struck this morning by a photo montage on my Facebook page. They were pictures of ghosts. Not the kind that haunt the local graveyard, or creak the doors in musty old mansions ... but the kind that really and truly walk beside us.
One picture was that of a man lying on his bed, with a ghostly woman resting her head on his chest. Another was of a child playing beside a sofa, while the ghostly images of his parents were sitting on it. A third was of a man in a fancy restaurant, clicking champagne glasses with the nicely dressed ghost sitting across from him at the table. All of these ghosts were on their cell phones.
I'm frequently disheartened when I walk into a restaurant ... be it McDonald's or Red Lobster ...and I see couples, perhaps married 20 years, perhaps on their first dates, actively engaged on their phones and barely registering that their other halves even exist. It's an epidemic.
Studies show that the more active one is on social media, the more truly alone that they feel. Facebook, Twitter and their ilk are like sea water to a person dying of thirst. The more one drinks, the thirstier one gets.
In a memorable episode of "Star Trek," an alien ambassador with a non-corporeal form noted, "Communication. You depend on it all for so much. Yet how few of you have actually mastered it." Seems to me that it gets worse instead of better as we motor merrily along in life.
I usually dine alone, but if I DO entertain a guest, or if I'm out dining with someone else, I make it a rule to leave the cell phone in my pocket. But I am guilty of occasionally glancing at the latest news flash coming in while I'm playing games with friends. I use Facebook for many things in my work, but have to really reign myself in when I find myself obsessing over why I'm so intrigued by the dog videos and the latest rumors of the goings-on in Tinseltown.
Let me be frank. Right now, I live alone. My marriage of 23 years ended in divorce four years ago. I'm estranged from one child, and two and a half hours away from the other, who is now an adult and living on her own. I facebook, and I have a Twitter account that I rarely use. They're no substitute for the real thing.
I share living space with a remarkable dog, and when I'm on my phone, I can see the heartbreak in HER eyes. I have to put it down and rub a belly from time to time or give her a hug. If dogs can figure out the importance of real, organic attention, why can't we?
Put down your phones, parents. Gaze into your children's eyes while they are there to return the connection. If you have a soulmate, take the time each and every day to turn off the TV and talk to each other and hold hands. Clear that last level of zombies in your smartphone game and take your dog for a nice long walk. And for heaven's sake, when you're visiting your loved ones and your friends, turn the phones off and revel in the fact that you are sharing time and space. Nothing is forever. Appreciate the people in your REAL lives, and stop living by the status update.
Going out to eat? Put the cellphone away. In addition to the sustenance you're giving your body, feed your brain by interacting with your companion(s). Focus on upgrading your relationships, not your software.
2019 is young, and I've already lost friends with whom I'll never share another moment. These moments happen once and are gone. Are you experiencing them, or are they being stolen from you by your own technological addictions?
