Show me someone who doesn’t like a bargain and I’ll show you a corpse. Even anti-capitalists love them. (Don’t worry, that’s my only political reference for this meandering.) Entire conglomerates have been built on this concept. Wal-Mart, Dollar General and Big Lots are all excellent examples.
While these retailers are good and certainly serve a purpose, the real bargain hunter knows that taking a trophy in a baited field isn’t nearly as satisfying as snagging one in the wild. Bagging a big screen television for under $200 is the eight-point buck of big-time bargain hunting. To the true bargain hunter, the big box stores are like the amusement park of retailing. The thrill is more simulated than real, but you don’t have to do as much work or get as dirty while stalking your prey. It’s like going to one of those stocked trout pounds. You know you’re going to get a nice fish, but so is everyone else. That really cuts down on the bragging. And isn’t that what bargain hunting is really all about?
My father really loved the thrill of the hunt, but it was less about the trophy than about the story. I’ll never forget the VCR hunt of 1981. He had stalked his prey in retail stores and pawn shops. Finally, he met a man willing to trade his VCR for a deer rifle. Since dad had one he didn’t use or want any more, the deal was struck. Each feeling he got the better end of the deal. Each coming away with a good bargain and a better story. “There I was. The tension was high, but I was patient. Finally, I wore him down. It’s all about timing, son.”
That’s where yard sales come in. But be warned. It takes cunning and grit to be a good yard sailor. (Yard Sailor is one who sails from yard sale to yard sale, trolling for bargains) Black Friday can seem like a vacation compared to going up against hard-core yard sailors. They show up early and zero in on the good stuff. We once had a yard sale slated to start at 8 a.m. We had advertised in the want ads the day before. There were people ringing the doorbell at 7 a.m. We were just finishing breakfast! “No sir, you may not come in for a cup of coffee while you wait for the sale to start.” Too bad you can’t get a life at a yard sale. This guy was in desperate need of a new one.
Granted you don’t always find something of interest at yard sales. You must wade through a lot of ugly clothes and remnants of junk drawers before you find something that you really want. That’s what makes finally bagging that bargain all the better. And it doesn’t matter if you truly want or need the item. The mere fact that it is a genuine bargain is all that counts. Again, it’s more about the bragging than the bargain.
Advanced bargain hunters with a bit more ammo know where the big game can be found: Estate sales. More than an upscale yard sale, the estate sale is like a safari. There’s big game like antiques, tools and kitchenware. Just like the yard sale, you need to be quick. I once went to an estate sale just as it was about to begin. I hadn’t intended to get there that early. It just worked out that way. I had to stand in line for 15 minutes before I could get in the door. The line was all the way into the street.
Estate sales often require you to pull out the big guns if you want to take home something worth bragging about. You may find yourself in an impromptu auction. It is what estate hunters call a “shoot out.” Sure, it may cost a little more, but the story is exponentially better.
These days bargain hunters have all sorts of ways to locate hunting fields. Today’s bargain hunter stalks his prey with the help of web sites and social media pages dedicated to such elusive prey. Savvy yard sailors use Swap Shop (7 a.m. Saturday mornings on AM 550 & FM 102.9) like wrecker drivers use the police scanner.
The thing I like most about estate sales has nothing to do with the items for sale. They’re just a bonus. It’s more about the house. I have this strange fascination with real estate. I think of it as urban archeology. To see how someone else lived. To walk through their world. There’s something about it that captivates me. But I do have my standards. If the house doesn’t have curb appeal, I’ll just drive on by. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but if I’m going to commit property voyeurism while bumping into the same people I encounter at every other estate sale I’ve attended, I want to see something interesting.
I have been to enough estate sales to know that, like yard sales, you need to sift through a lot of rocks to find the diamonds. What you leave behind says a good bit about you and not all of fit is flattering.
That’s why I am hopeful that my family, should they choose to have an estate sale after my departure, will trash all the ugly clothes, antiquated electronics that no longer work or have all their parts and other worthless things to which I cling on this side of eternity for no apparent reason. I just don’t want people going through the house saying, “He seemed like such a nice guy. I had no idea he was a hoarder. Such a shame.”
