Let's start with this. I do believe in God. I believe He loves me, and sent His son to die for me. Hey. I love my kids, too. But every now and then, I feel like poking them with the proverbial stick, no pun intended. Let's face facts! God has a sense of humor! How else to explain Dennis Rodman?
Last weekend, I went to visit my daughter Elise in Columbus, Georgia, about two and a half hours and 8 degrees in temperature from where I live. I knew going in that it was going to be 94 degrees by day, and I wanted to be neck-deep in water. We scouted about on the internet and found what appeared to be a lovely public pool, Double Churches Park. Water slide, lots of free swim areas, splash zone, etc. Good reviews.
Elise is a night owl, so getting her moving during anything with an AM suffix is a challenge, so it was after one before we finally left on Saturday afternoon for our five mile drive. Her boyfriend needed to go to work at 4, so we took separate cars, Elise with me. We arrived first and were thrilled with what we saw. Not super crowded, and a clean, nicely-maintained facility. As we approached the admissions desk, we saw a paper sign partially shriveled like a paper airplane without folds. The only words we could make out were at the bottom. "TODAY. SORRY!" We waited in line patiently and when we got to the front, we found out from the attendant what the hidden words were. "CASH ONLY!" Grrrr.
Okay. A minor hiccup. So back in the car we went, and we conceded our prime parking location to her boyfriend, just pulling in. I punched in my bank into Waze and was directed to a branch sharing space with a Publix just about another mile and a half away from the park. Off we went. This particular branch had two ATM bays. I picked the wrong one. I put my card in and waited patiently. And patiently. And then less patiently. The sun was shining directly on the screen making it exceedingly difficult to detect that whatever software was managing that ATM, it was rebooting.
Thankfully it yielded my card. We lapped the building and pulled into the second bay. This one didn't like my card at all. Refused to read it. Grrr #2.
Off to Publix, for a $1.05 water and $40 cash back to get me through the weekend. Back to the car. Now, we're pushing 2pm.
A less desirable parking spot this time, but at least we have the necessary green paper to gain access to Shangri-La. The sun and its 94 degrees was relentless, and Elise and I were already feeling it on our second trip up to the gate. The transaction was made, and we eagerly went inside as the whistle blew. We were just in time for the fifteen-minute lifeguard break time. EVERYBODY out of the pool.
Being a patient Christian man, I also smiled at this amusing happenstance and began to sense a higher being at work. I cast a gaze upwards, winked and said, "Good one!"
We set our towels and electronics down on a blank spot of pavement, as every deck chair was being enjoyed by shirts, towels, sunglasses, shoes ... everything but people.
After fifteen minutes, it was finally showtime! I had already lotioned up during the intermission, so at approximately 2:30 in the afternoon, ninety minutes after beginning this quest from a location five miles away, we were in the water. By 2:31, we were out again. A lifeguard spied a flash of lightning. EVERYBODY out of the pool. Again, I cast my gaze skyward, cocked a brow and said, "Lightning? Really? Obvious much?" By my calculations, I enjoyed a 40 second sojourn in the delightful water.
We waited about for a bit, but as 3:30 drew ever closer, we decided to eat the $9 admission (not bad for three people, actually), and come back for a full day on Sunday.
We said our goodbyes to boyfriend Jake, who went to work, and Elise and I decided on a late lunch at Zaxby's. We walked into a delightfully air conditioned restaurant, and the first piece of decor that caught our eyes was a sign saying "Pool Closed Due to Inclement Weather!"
We had a great day Sunday. No problems ... no inclement weather ... after all, with billions of billions of life forms to poke at, my day had passed!
