Halloween certainly has become a much bigger deal than in my youth. In fact, we’re expected to spend over $12 billion on it this year. That includes decorations, costumes, and candy. We’ll spend $3.6 billion on the candy alone. Now that’s some power trick or treating! Not surprising since stores started putting out Halloween merchandise on Labor Day, which is the scariest part of this whole thing to me.
Growing up there wasn’t much hoopla. Sure, as kids we started planning our costumes in early October. We had to since we had to make them from whatever we had handy. Store-bought wasn’t an option. Of course, there weren’t as many choices as you see today. Now, there are entire stores dedicated to the cosplay that is All Hallows Eve.
Back then, it was more the way Christmas was in the 1800s. Decorations didn’t show up until one or two days before October 31. A pumpkin would arrive about two days prior and was purchased in a grocery store. Agritourism wasn’t around so no trips to a farm to pick one out after wandering through a corn maze and taking a hayride.
The day before the annual parade of local ghosts, goblins, princesses and pirates was to arrive, the kitchen became a surgical center complete with newspaper spread on the table to protect it from gourd guts. Armed with a marker, from the age of six I was allowed to draw the pattern that would give our pumpkin life. My father was in charge of wielding the large butcher knife. My parents were smart like that.
Soon, the gack was out, the face was in place, and the candle was burning. We would stand in the front yard marveling at our handy work. Alive! It’s Alive! I always felt a bit like Dr. Frankenstein when that happened. It would only come again on Halloween. After that, it was punkin chuckin’ time. Not as fun as going trick or treating but satisfying on a primal level.
These days, you’ll find six or seven pumpkins at the Maine estate. Different sizes and different colors. But none carved. Oh no, my wife put an end to that years ago when she bought a nice clay jack-o-lantern. So, now, we’re a “no kill” pumpkin shelter. I don’t think she trusts me with a large knife. She’s smart like that.
Generally, the classic orange jack-o-lantern was the extent of the decorations in my time in the trick or treat trenches. However, there was one family down the street who got a bit more creative and it was quite effective. They had a large front porch and one year they put homemade coffin on the porch. When we went to the door to get our loot, we were greeted by a woman dressed as ghost. She had pale makeup and a tattered dress as though she had come back from the dead. After the treats hit the bag, we turned to leave. Just as we did so, someone popped out of the coffin. I don’t think it was eating too much candy that kept me awake that night!
The world has moved past those simple times. Way past. Whatever scary or silly decoration you can think of is available. If not in a store, then certainly online. Many are quite innovative. There are window projections that make it look like zombies are trying to break out of your home. There’s a 3-D doormat that looks like a storm grate with a creepy clown peeping up at you. Need a severed hand that walks? They have them. How about an eight-foot pumpkin-headed ghost that talks? For 180 bucks it’s yours. It’s like shopping in the props department at a movie studio.
With the retail world trying to make Halloween as lucrative as Christmas, I am surprised that Hallmark hasn’t done more to cash in. They could move the start of their “Countdown to Christmas” from the middle of October (where it doesn’t belong) to sometime in November. Say right after Thanksgiving. You know, closer to the actual holiday without skipping any other celebrations?
Starting the first of October, they could become the Hallmark Horror Channel featuring movies like “Lady and the Vamp” about a woman who falls for a vampire. Sort of like “Twilight” but without all the needless sequels. How about “Pumpkin Spice Prankster”? A barbaric barista uses a spell to rid the world of pumpkin spice. Based on the sales of pumpkin spice lattes, plenty of people would find that frightening. Then there’s “Polterheist” where a band of poltergeists attempt to stop Halloween from coming by stealing the worlds’ supply of trick-or-treat candy. Like the Grinch, but with a predictable love story. If they wanted to cross their ghostly offerings with a promo for their Christmas fare, “Slay Ride” would certainly fit the bill.
Let’s not forget the Food Network. All they really have is the baking competition “Halloween Wars.” They need to beef up their offerings with something like “Castles, Coffins and Crypts.” Stick Guy in a Dracula outfit and have him tool around the country in a hearse. I would think that “Freddy Kruger’s Charcutier Made Easy” would be a hit too.
I was going to send these ideas to the networks, but my wife won’t let me.
She’s smart like that.
