I tell my kids “no” a lot. Christmas is the time of year when I say “YES” a lot. I exhaust myself trying to make all the “yeses” come true (and sometimes I need to say “no” to myself). It’s a beautiful, magical, absolutely exhausting season.
Let me back up. You see, my kids are a rare breed. They don’t own electronics. They don’t have video games. We don’t even have a computer in our house. I’ve realized this may become a bit of a problem as school requirements increase and I will have to adjust, but as you know by now I’m a news reporter. I report daily about child predators who gain access through the internet. So, no, thank you. I’m also just old-fashioned.
My kids get told “no” because boundaries are healthy. They get told “no” because I want them to learn about a budget and that money doesn’t grow on trees (See? Old fashioned.). I want them to be grateful for what they have. I tell them “no” because I want them to know that they aren’t the center of the universe. They aren’t allowed to sleep in my bed. We go on dates without them. My most important relationship isn’t with my kids. It’s healthy for them to know that. The world is bigger than them. I hope they will grow up learning some respect for others and appreciation for the fact that not everybody grows up to be self-centered insta-youtube-influencers and be famous one day. They also aren’t allowed to talk over me, interrupt adults, or beg for junk in the store. It doesn’t mean they don’t ever beg, they are kids after all. But, I just say, “no.” I certainly don’t buy them stuff every time they ask (which, of course, is every time they go in any store anywhere).
This weekend we had a magical experience at a Christmas destination. My kids got to eat whatever they wanted, have sugar for breakfast, and drink whatever they wanted. Thanks to caffeine, the entire hotel in North Carolina now knows that my three-year-old can say her ABC’s at 2 a.m. I said “yes” a lot!
So, it would’ve been VERY easy to say “yes” to the little, nine-dollar toy that my boy kid picked out for a souvenir. I knew that he already had lots of souvenirs from the trip. I also know that he's my kid that just likes to blow money. I knew that if I bought him something I would have to buy my other two kids something. I knew that more surprises were coming. I knew that I was already over budget. So, I said no. (But then I secretly bought it so I could give it to him later. It will be a special "yes" for Christmas. It's a "no" for now, "yes" for later.) But "no" means "no" (most of the time.... like 99% of the time. O.k. Maybe 80%.)
My kids don’t always like me. I’m absolutely and totally o.k. with that.
Most of my kids’ friends don’t have parents that clearly don’t use the word, “no.” Their friends have TVs in their rooms. They have iPads of their own. My daughter has 8-year-old friends with cell phones. They get unlimited game time. My kids don’t understand why even their cousins get to do things that they aren’t allowed. It’s just life, kiddos. It ain’t fair. I’m cool with that.
So, at Christmas, I like to say, “yes” when I can. I absolutely do exhaust myself trying to find everyone the perfect presents within the slightly ignored budget. I want everyone to feel the magic and I try to make every spare moment as beautiful as possible. I don’t say “no” to a lot, except “Elf on the Shelf” – that’s a BIG “N-O.”
One year there was a trend going around to buy your kids, “something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read.” I thought that sounded practical and, in my attempt, to limit this “excessive” culture we live in, I tried it out.
That year for Christmas I bought my then-only kid a book, some clothes, a baby doll, and something else I can’t recall. Whatever it was that she “needed.” I was so proud of myself. Until Christmas morning, when I realized the little kid had absolutely nothing to PLAY with. There she was just holding her baby doll and that was it. We were done.
From then on, I decided Christmas should be about having lots to play with, lots of “yeses” and lots of magical moments. I will still shy away from the more addictive electronics as long as I can (yes, I know they will come soon), but sewing crafts and walkie-talkies and barbie clothes and dollhouses and even MP3 players are all welcome. I don’t try to be practical. It’s Christmas. They sleep in our bedroom on Christmas Eve, stay up as late as they want, eat candy for breakfast, and hopefully enjoy childhood while they have it.
The truth is that Christ’s love is excessive and magical all year long. If we are duplicating gifts based on His MOST amazing gift, then I’m fine not being practical or limiting the fun. I will wear myself slap out trying. And I will take a LONG nap on January 1st.
