As you mature, your world expands. You learn new things. You expand your vocabulary, not only with new words but with new meanings for words you’ve known for years. In recent years, I have discovered a new meaning for the word “win” and its relatives “winner” “winning” and “won”. It used to mean that you excelled at something to the point of being better than others who were participating in a contest with you. You had more points at the end of a game. You crossed the finish line first. You beat Bobby Flay.
Now I’ve learned a new definition and it’s a costly one. My wife and I have discovered silent auctions. For those not familiar, that’s where items are placed on tables and seemingly civilized people write their bids down on a piece of paper beside the item they wish to “win”. Usually, it’s done as a fundraiser for a charity. As the clock ticks down to the close of the auction, these seemingly civilized people who have been watching their items from a distance to see if they’ve been out bid, much like a wolf stalking prey, swoop in for the kill. It’s like watching one of those National Geographic documentaries. I know. I’ve been the wolf in that scenario. My wife says I’m competitive. I say I just don’t like to lose.
A few years ago, we attended a fundraiser for a charity that promotes the visual arts. There were many beautiful photos and paintings up for bid. We had our eyes on three items hoping to win one. Well, we “won” all three. Yea! We went home with a full backseat, an empty wallet and a shell-shocked look on our faces. Somehow, I thought winning would feel different.
Our most recent conquest happened at the Rabun County Festival of Trees. It’s a great event featuring all sorts of artisans selling their wares. It’s the perfect event to find unique gifts, decorations and some tasty baked goods. But the main attraction is all the trees beautifully decorated and donated by various businesses, groups and individuals. We stalked the forest like the fierce wolves we apparently are under our cheap…uh sheep clothing. My wife placed her bid on the prey…uh tree we wanted to take down…I mean take home. Later that day we got the call. We “won”.
I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to transport a Christmas tree that is already decorated with beautiful creations and symbols of the season. The Grinch made it look easy. It isn’t. To transport it, they use that plastic wrap mom used to mummify leftovers before putting them in the fridge. She was a master at that. It would be wrapped so tightly bacteria had no chance of getting to the food. And neither did anyone else. King Tut should have been wrapped so tightly.
If you find yourself as a “winner” in a similar situation, let me offer some advice: no matter how tightly they wrap it, don’t strap it to the top of the car. Don’t worry. I didn’t do it. I only thought about it for a moment when I saw the thing might be a bit to long to fit in the back of the SUV. Now had my mother been the one who had wrapped it, I would have had that Yuletide trophy proudly strapped to the roof. Heck, maybe even to the hood like a deer hunter bringing home his prey.
Once safely loaded, the tree and I returned home like some modern-day Grinch heading for Mount Crumpit. I’ve never thought of myself as a Grinch, but I was wearing green that day.
Since my wife was otherwise preoccupied, I was making the journey home as a solo act. Same thing when I got there to unload. This is where things got tricky and glittery. Trying to pull a reverse Grinch isn’t easy alone.
In trying to slide our little bundle of Christmas joy out of the back of the SUV, the plastic wrap began to release its grip. Being an artificial tree, the top section detached and so did some of the ornaments and the glitter attached to them. Shine a light into the back of my car at night and it looks like the Milky Way. A dog is loyal until the end, but glitter is forever. I’m convinced when the world ends the only two things left will be roaches and glitter.
As I wrestled to get the tree out of the car and into the house, I thought of Ole Grinchy Claus and felt like I was in one of the good Doctor’s rhymes.
The Grinch may have loved moving Christmas trees with decorations a lot,
But I…I did not.
I must find a way to get this tree in the house in one piece right now,
I must find away…but how?
I pulled and I tugged to little avail
All the while creating a glittery trail
I thought and I thought until my thinker was sore
Then I thought of something I hadn’t before
It’s no use when I pull and I yank it
I know what to do. I’ll go get a blanket.
I slid the blanket underneath the tree to pull it out and set it free
It took some struggling and lifting and tugging all the while the tree I was hugging
The blanket successfully put into place, it seemed it would work
So, I grabbed the corners and gave it a jerk
Finally it began to emerge and break free and it looked like my car was birthing a tree.
Once out of the car across the driveway I did skitter
All the while leaving a trail of plastic wrap and Christmas tree litter.
Once in the house and set in it’s stand, even the Whos down in Whoville hadn’t seen something so grand.
I plugged in the lights on our charity tree; its colored lights cheering up the ceiling just like when I was a kid.
It brought back such good feelings, yes it certainly did
How they warmed the room as they lit up the place
Casting festive shadows and putting a smile on my glitter-filled face.
To all my fellow “winners” at the Festival of Trees, I hope your reverse Grinch work was easier than mine. I also thank you for your donations benefiting the Creative Learning Center in Clayton. When we all come together to promote the common good, everyone wins.
